First and foremost we, read I, must congratulate the one and only, Theodore King on his return to Le Tour de France.
Never mind that’s a picture of Quebec… Where was I?
It is no secret that much like your self, I was heartbroken to see our hero in green get caught up in a first stage spill during last years race that would quickly see him retired due to some otherwise bullshit UCI choices. Thankfully, the amazing human body and millions of years of evolution have left us with useful regenerative healing processes and much like you and I, Ted has been able to recover from injury. Although, much unlike you or I, Ted is fast as all fuck on a bicycle and is scheduled to lead out one of the wildest of wild men in the pro peloton, Peter Segan. Please join with me in wishing these two wild stallions the best of the good luck in not only Saturday’s opening stage of le Tour, but the 20 stages that will follow that. For, what is good for them, is good for us, and by us I mean them, because as you should damn well know, what they do, really has nothing to do with you or I.
Second on my agenda is really kind of number one right now as the rest of the world is currently enthralled, much like myself, with World Cup futbol! Today at 4pm Eastern Standard Time, that’s EST for short, the United States Men’s National Team with take the field against an equal number of Belgians.
Yeah, the Belgians are good at that too. It’s not gonna be easy for the US, but they’re playing well and you’ll have to excuse me because this is the only time I get excited and patriotic about anything. Fitting enough, it’s about this stupid country’s partaking in an otherwise unamerican style game, which is perfect. Also, I never say “we” when referring to sport, as much like the above scenario with our beloved King and Segan, I have nothing to do with their results. Still, I think they can do it, and am likely not getting much work done between 4 and 6… sorry boss.
On that note, go KNVB!